Communication Breakdown...
I was having a conversation with someone last night, and it was all going quite fine until we reached one sticking point. That point seemed to be that I was asked a question and answered what I thought the question was in as good a way as I was capable at the time. This led to a lengthy diatribe on the part of the other individual about how I was being "evasive", how that's what I always do, and how insulting and demeaning it is. Granted, in the past I have been evasive as a means of self-protection, but this issue required no shielding, no protection. Even if I were being evasive these days, this topic would have been so far under the radar as to be embarassing. The effect all of this had on me was really quite astounding. I started out feeling bewildered, and when the assertion continued that I was being evasive and difficult, I started to get angry. Of course, once anger enters the equation, all reason and significant progress goes out the window.
Now it seems evident that the expectation is that the burden of effort will lie with me as far as accommodating and making the improvements. A simple query of "Excuse me, what question are you answering here, because that wasn't what I asked" could have short circuited all of the shouting and bad feelings, but was not even considered. Yes, I realize that it takes two people to make an argument, and yes, I realize that each party is typically responsible for no more than 50% of the problem. However, I am left with the distinct feeling that the other party considers me to be completely in the wrong, and the only one who must evaluate and change behavior. This leaves me feeling empty and cold, and dissatisfaction is the mildest of terms that can be applied to the whole scenario. I think the more accurate description would be disgusted
disgruntled
angry
disillusioned
dazed and confused
SEARCHING FOR THE ESCAPE HATCH
And I don't know what to do about it other than to either watch like a hawk everything that comes out of my mouth where this person is considered, or suspend all communications. What would you do?
Now it seems evident that the expectation is that the burden of effort will lie with me as far as accommodating and making the improvements. A simple query of "Excuse me, what question are you answering here, because that wasn't what I asked" could have short circuited all of the shouting and bad feelings, but was not even considered. Yes, I realize that it takes two people to make an argument, and yes, I realize that each party is typically responsible for no more than 50% of the problem. However, I am left with the distinct feeling that the other party considers me to be completely in the wrong, and the only one who must evaluate and change behavior. This leaves me feeling empty and cold, and dissatisfaction is the mildest of terms that can be applied to the whole scenario. I think the more accurate description would be disgusted
disgruntled
angry
disillusioned
dazed and confused
SEARCHING FOR THE ESCAPE HATCH
And I don't know what to do about it other than to either watch like a hawk everything that comes out of my mouth where this person is considered, or suspend all communications. What would you do?
posted by Kalanchoe542 at
10:22 AM
3 Comments:
Take it from me, one of the hardest things to do is to stick to your guns without going on the defensive, or at least feeling like you have to. I fail at this concept over and over again, but sometimes I succeed. If you know you are right, be serene in the knowledge. Once in a while, it works. The other thing that sometimes works for me is to consider the source of the accusations.
By
breakerslion, at 7:07 PM
I have to ask, what general category was this about? Was it with someone you're going out with and they were questioning something in the past? Or someone who disagrees with you on a point of politics or philosophy? The reactions would be different for each, I would think.
By
Unknown, at 7:44 AM
Actually, it was with my husband, from whom I have been separated for some time. We try to get along, but every time a discussion comes along (and they do quite often) things always revert to the old ways of non-communicating. I get fed up because I am doing the best I can, and he always acts like I am not even trying. I guess that is what gets under my skin. Once bitten, twice shy.
By
Kalanchoe542, at 8:05 AM
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