Mental Meanderings of a Soul in Progress

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Musings of a tired lady

Sometimes I don't sleep at night. I lie awake and listen to my own heart beating. When the lights are out and I am alone, I remember that I am only temporary, and perhaps more temporary than others around me. Cancer has stolen my peace of mind and my sense of permanence. I know I am vulnerable, and I resent it. I liked being oblivious. Now I lie awake and listen to my own breath, knowing that it is going to cease long before I am ready for it to, no matter how old I may get to be. This world is temporary, so do what you need to for your peace of mind, because you will never get a second chance. Listen to the drumbeats, the tattoo that spells out your mortality.

My daughter is carrying a baby boy. I will be a grandmother in about 4 more months. I plan to be around to help this little fellow grow up to be a strong and loving man. Thinking about him helps to keep the drums quiet, even though I know they are always right there on the edge of my consciousness.