I'd like that melancholia with a side of fries, please...
People of my genetic heritage should never, ever drink alcohol, I suspect. It does things to our personalities that make us incapable of rational thought and robs us of discretion. My grandfather was an old Swede who couldn't handle his liquor. He would go out to the bar after work on a payday and come home stinking of whiskey with empty pockets. More times than she cared to count my grandmother wept and cowered as he railed against her in his embarrassment and humiliation at having let his family down yet again. Ironically, his response to the neglect and abuse of his family caused by his systemic intolerance to alcohol was to abuse and neglect them further in his daily behavior. He had no ablilty to compensate for his shortcomings in any manner other than to compound the mistakes with more bad behavior. His lack of compassion coupled with his generally mysogynistic nature produced a truly wretched and loathesome individual.
My mother was raised with the understanding that she was to respect her elders because they were her elders. Nothing more than that. Do as I say, not as I do. Her intellect and her abililty to understand human nature at a very early age did nothing to comfort her. When the mothers got together to discuss the usual gossip and juicy tidbits, she was regaled with the story of how her own mother had attempted in vain to abort her unborn child. This incident occurred when my mom was maybe 4 years old, and it has followed her throughout her life. Her mother, and indeed any of the women present, had no idea that such a small child would pay any attention to the words of adults, and would not understand them even if they did hear. The horror that registered within her upon the understanding that her mother was attempting to rid herself of her very existence shook her to the core and caused her to grow contrite and withdrawn. She set out to become the perfect child, to prove that she was worthwhile and not something to be eradicated.
It's odd, the effect of knowing you're unwanted has on your life. You apologize for your existence. You try to make up for your shortcomings by being better than a normal person, more giving, more willing to accept poor treatment, more prepared to compensate for others' shortcomings by doing more than your fair share. Such is the life my mom led, such is the example set for her children. No wonder we all have the problems we have.
My mother was raised with the understanding that she was to respect her elders because they were her elders. Nothing more than that. Do as I say, not as I do. Her intellect and her abililty to understand human nature at a very early age did nothing to comfort her. When the mothers got together to discuss the usual gossip and juicy tidbits, she was regaled with the story of how her own mother had attempted in vain to abort her unborn child. This incident occurred when my mom was maybe 4 years old, and it has followed her throughout her life. Her mother, and indeed any of the women present, had no idea that such a small child would pay any attention to the words of adults, and would not understand them even if they did hear. The horror that registered within her upon the understanding that her mother was attempting to rid herself of her very existence shook her to the core and caused her to grow contrite and withdrawn. She set out to become the perfect child, to prove that she was worthwhile and not something to be eradicated.
It's odd, the effect of knowing you're unwanted has on your life. You apologize for your existence. You try to make up for your shortcomings by being better than a normal person, more giving, more willing to accept poor treatment, more prepared to compensate for others' shortcomings by doing more than your fair share. Such is the life my mom led, such is the example set for her children. No wonder we all have the problems we have.
posted by Kalanchoe542 at
11:17 AM
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